If You Want To Know Who We Are?*

Very much more to the point, do “we” know who we are? Have we figured that out? Born, without our permission, into a family of strangers that we have to get to know, we have not the least idea who we are. Dependent on these strangers for our every need, we have no idea what to expect. If our creature comforts are answered to, we begin to understand that we face goodwill. If not, if our cries for attention go unanswered, we fall silent, accepting that we inhabit a hostile environment. If we survive, those early experiences may color our attitudes toward all our future experiences. Those early experiences may go a long way toward defining who we are, who we can be.

So much of what we may become is determined by the crucible in which we are formed. We know our genetic make-up provides us with a package of potentialities. But our upbringing may do so very much in determining which of those potentialities will be realized. That outcome is very much in the lap of the gods, determined by the fates dictating where we have landed. Is it a place conducive to the full realization of our potentialities? Have we landed in America or Afghanistan? Are we black or white? Will we be raised pink or brown, or black and blue? Without even a blanket or wrapped in sable? If you want to know who we are, you have to know something of where we came from.

In spite of all that, we have heard the stories about individuals who have broken the mold. We have heard the stories of rags to riches, of rising from obscurity to the top of the heap. A changing world has confounded the odds even more. The internet has offered a vehicle for some to attract the attention of thousands, even millions, which can change the ultimate equation in defining who we are, who we may become. More than ever we can be defined not by just where we came from but by what we have succeeded in accomplishing. And this can be true even in societies that are more rigid in their capacity for mobility. Racing alterations in technological practice has the capacity to bring with it the potentiality for rapid change anywhere.

There still remains the question of who we personally think we are and who the world thinks we are. We all have to work that out for ourselves. We know the perceived realities between the two can be worlds apart. Some may knowingly support a wide divorce between the two for a variety of reasons. And some may delude themselves in their internal appraisal of who they really are, again for a variety of reasons. Some spend years on the psychiatrist’s couch trying to work that out. For most of us, coming to terms with this is the hard work we have to do as part of the growing up process. Peace of mind may be the ultimate reward, but it can be scary. Do we dare face that challenge?

How did we react to the challenge of relating to siblings? Did we find common cause or keep our own counsel? I pretty well isolated myself in my youth even while my older sister was protective. It proved to be indicative of the course I followed in later life. School is a place where one can gather basic knowledge, develop skills and learn to negotiate with others. A just-in-time student, I could have done much better in the negotiation arena as well. It was in my workplace experience that I played catch-up. It’s never too late for that. But I was never much for socializing. Who knows what opportunities passed me by as a consequence? I try to make up for that now.

Those who are now much earlier on the path, have so much to look forward to, so many opportunities yet to explore. You can keep examining who you are and who you want to be. The beauty of life is that we are always in a state of reconstructing who we are.

So, what’s happening at your house?

*A song about the illusions presented by appearances offered by the male chorus of courtiers in The Mikado, another operetta by Gilbert and Sullivan.