TRUTH AND CONSQUENCES

We are born with no set of directions. We get our hints on how to get along in this world from the adults we find around us, either by them teaching us or by observing their behavior. What about telling the truth? Not just some of the time, but all of the time? We get plenty of advice. Throughout history, many individuals we know of have shared their opinion.

We don’t always tell the truth. Sometimes we think we have good reasons to hold back. We are reluctant to hurt people we care for. We keep secrets we think may alter people’s view or good opinion of ourselves, or others. So, sometimes, we hold back.

Or we may just want to avoid the controversy we believe telling the truth about something we know would possibly generate. Or we may be worried about criticism of ourselves that may be generated as a consequence.

There are always consequences whatever we choose. Nietzsche said he was not upset about a lie told by someone, but more that he could not in the future believe anything that person said. George Bernard Shaw said that the liars’ punishment is that being a liar, he cannot believe anything someone else says. Kierkegaard said that where there are two people there is untruth.

Being truthful, and being known for that, is good policy. But that does not mean that one must always lay bare what one’s beliefs are. It appears there are plenty of occasions where just being silent is warranted. Silence can be golden . But Mahatma Ghandhi said that silence becomes cowardice when the occasion demands the whole truth. But, when is that? Robert Louis Stevenson said the cruelest lies are often told in silence.

Don’t we want to steer clear of those we determine cannot be trusted to be honest with us. Once they have lost our trust, we can find it impossible to be straightforward with them as well. We are almost forced to dissemble with them until we can find a way to be out of their presence. And what a feeling of relief that brings.

How about when people set out to tell lies? Once out there it is almost impossible to put such tales back in the box. Noam Chomsky said it takes one minute to tell a lie and an hour to refute it. Mark Twain said that a lie can travel half way round the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. There is a proverb that says that a liar is not believed even when he is telling the truth. The trouble is, as Lenin said, a lie told often enough becomes the truth. Remember Trump and MAGA followers.

Being brutally frank about one’s feelings can be a recipe for alienation. Graham Greene said that in human relationships kindness and lies are worth a thousand truths. Stephen King, the master of the horror story, said that only enemies speak the truth, friends and lovers lie endlessly. It takes real courage to always speak the truth.

Indeed, one can have honest differences of opinion as what the facts of the matter are. Can we admit that the other party might have motives as honest as our own? Open minds may be a very necessary component to discovering what the actual truth of a situation is. Honestly searching for the truth is necessary on all sides if a satisfactory solution  to differences is ever to be arrived at.

Maybe silence can be just an act of kindness when we believe those we face may be incapable of facing the reality we believe exists. It may be appropriate that the task of correcting matters be left for others to undertake.

How crucial is it, however, to be truthful with ourselves? Dostoyevski said that lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. How often can we be deluded in our own wishful thinking? Isn’t that something of which all of us can sometimes be guilty. I have held on to such lies fiercely until facing them proved the only way to go forward. Facing the truth can be painful and we may require help from others before we can face up to some truths we ourselves may be avoiding.

Ouch! Did I admit that?